When all is still....

Over the last couple of weeks I've been asked one question, a dozen different ways. "How do you do it", "doesn't it make you sick", "don't you want to cry"? The answer is easy. We do it because he deserves it. It does make me sick. I do cry. I cry when the chaos is calmed, the kids are asleep or things are still. Sometimes in the bathroom, or in the car or while I work. Whenever they don't need me anymore, I can cry. When I stop to think about this little tiny child, so innocent & pure. I think of him like a tiny ball of cotton caught in a wind storm. We are here to cup our hands around him, to protect him from the chaos as much as we can. We have to calm his world, his fears, his hurt. Nothing can ever change what happened that day, that changes his fate forever. It can never be undone & he will never be the same. We just pray for him. We just pray until the storm passes, the clouds blow by & his fate unfolds, we can be here for him. Nothing we do can change this storm from coming, nothing can stop its wrath. Our only control is over what we let change us & who we are. We only have power over our family, our strength & the love we show this little ball of cotton! So until this storm passes, we will hold on tight.