Since things are so slow on the new adoption front I thought I would go ahead & tackle the inevitable subject of race. I wish I had been keeping count of just how many of the "is he yours?" questions I have received over the years. The phrasing of such questions of course vary. We have the bold "is he yours?", to the "is this your little boy?" I would like to respond each & every time with "yea, he just called me MOM didn't he?" or a nice "yea he's mine, I won him in a poker game a few years back" but I generally curb the sarcasm & just reply with a vacant stare & a "yes". At this point a stranger has two options, either drop it & take a hint or pursue a line of questioning that is so inappropriate I would scold my 5 year old for it. Generally adults seem OK to take the latter of the two. The next sentence in this line up is generally "oh, he MUST look like his Daddy", or "is your husband Hispanic?" the last time I received that last one I just looked at the woman as if she had two heads, at that point she looked back down at my son & back to me & added "or Filipino?" I just shook my head no & walked off. I am not quite sure what it is about complete strangers sticking their nose into my sons genetic make-up that annoys me so bad, but I find it generally rude & just not appropriate. Not everyone SAYS stuff, we do get the ones who give dirty looks or stare, back & forth, back & forth. I always say these people are trying to "figure it out". After awhile you do start to take it all in stride but I think it boils down to insensitivity of adults to children. Whether an adult realizes it or not, this line of questioning often points out to a child that they are somehow "different". The subject of race obviously will come up between parents & children in every trans racial family, but it shouldn't be prompted by the hands of strangers. I am in no way in denial of the fact my son is not the same race as us, I also do not hide it from my son either. If we have a casual relationship feel free to ask, however, if you see me in line at a grocery store please do not come up to me & ask if my son is mixed! Every person handles the whole race card in their own way. I'm always open to race & discussions about that but I just feel when it involves children it is private. I think when considering adoption especially via foster care, this is one of the easiest or the hardest decisions to make. For our family it was an easy decision. We were open to race with our son & we will be open to race with our daughter. I think a large portion of those who have a difficult time with the decision of what races to accept do so because of other people in their lives. Though they are fine with a child of another race having family, friends or a community that aren't accepting can be very difficult. The most important thing I think to remember is your children will take your cues. If you are comfortable accepting & open about race, they can tell. If you are anxious or uncomfortable with their race, they most likely will be to.
***The picture above was at a recent Astros game here in Houston, the games are fun even if they never win!***
