\
First I'll do a little update about the last week. We were presented 2 broadcasts this week on legally free girls. One of them was for a little girl well outside of age order, we declined submitting our home study because it stated she would do best as the youngest child. The 2nd broadcast was on a little girl just older than Tuck, which we submitted for. So we have officially applied for our first child! We also received 2 broadcasts of legal risk situations, one was on a sibling group of toddlers & one was for a infant girl we submitted on both of those as well. So that makes 3 applications so far. Getting to the blog title, pre-birth matching & how we feel about it. Pre-birth matching is generally found in private adoption situations where a birth mother is making the decision to choose a family to adopt her baby, & the family is "matched" with the mother & baby before the baby is born. We have discussed doing a private adoption ourselves but have always said no, even though my husbands employer would fully reimburse us the costs. Our agency does private adoption fees on a sliding scale based on your income & the costs would be very close to what my husbands employer would reimburse. We were recently asked if we would be willing to submit our home study with a young mother who was pregnant with a little girl, and we declined. I have a very large problem with pre-birth matching for a couple of reasons.The first one is generally once they are matched, the adoptive parents pay expenses for the pregnant mother. These expenses are not refundable, even if the mother changes her mind & decides to keep the baby. What this basically means is, adoptive families often end up very vulnerable to scams etc. by women who have no intentions of placing their child for adoption. You can not sue them (which I don't think you should), you can not get your money back no matter how much money you spent supporting them. I understand the point that many people feel if this mother is carrying a baby to term for your family, the LEAST you can do is pay her bills while she does it. My issue with this thought is, she isn't carrying YOUR baby, she is carrying HER baby. That baby is hers until it is born & she signs those papers & the relinquishment period is over. Before that happens you are paying her to carry HER baby in hopes she will let you adopt it. I strongly believe until she actually gives birth & makes a decision then, its still 110% her child. This is where my second issue comes up. For many birth mothers this is a very emotional & difficult time. When you spend time with another family that wants this baby so badly & financially supports you, how do you say no? I fear many times mothers are giving birth & realizing they no longer want to go through with the adoption, yet they do it anyway out of obligation or guilt. These situations put both the birth mother & adoptive families in a very vulnerable situation. I think newborn adoptions & decisions regarding them should be made once the baby is born. That's not to say I don't agree with making a tentative plan for adoption, but I don't feel "matches" should be made until the baby is born. I don't think private adoptions are bad, immoral etc, I just can't get over my conflicting views on it & have decided to stay away from it. I am also fully aware thousands of great happy & perfect adoptions happen every year that don't fall into these guidelines but for those that DO it disturbs me.
