.....The End

     

 I can't believe this day is here. We finalized the adoption of our sweet daughter, Olive Sparrow Anderson. She is everything that was ever missing from our family, and the final piece of a puzzle. I always knew there was something missing & now, we are complete. She will forever be our baby & we are totally fine with that. As much as we would love another child, its not in the cards for us. We aren't 100% opposed but I can say, we won't pursue this again. The only situation that would ever be up for consideration would be a sibling for Tuck or Olive because they don't have a bio sibling in the home, but that is uncertain. What can I tell you about this baby. I'll start at the beginning. She was a 29 week preemie who had a very rough stay in the NICU for 2.5 months. During that time she was put on a ventilator twice, suffered bilateral brain hemorrhages, contracted staph & sepsis. This rough start left her with permanent neurological damage that has proven difficult for her. But against the odds, she is a fighter, a warrior & above anything else, she is a true joy. She is sweet to a fault and full of fire & fight. There is something about her that people are drawn to. Maybe it is her smile or her strength, but we have people come up to us whenever we go out. She has been in therapy since we brought her home & she currently sees a physical therapist, occupational therapist & a speech therapist. She works so hard & surprises us everyday. We realized her issues may be severe about the 5 month mark when she started showing signs of neurological damage, it was then we were told her issues may never recover. She may never walk, or function like a "normal" child. But, we pushed on & believed in her. When asked if we were still interested in adoption if her case went that way, we had no hesitation, as she was always our daughter. How do you say you don't want your daughter because of that? She has exceeded every expectation we've put on her & on Christmas Eve she took her first steps. She still has a long way to go, but I think we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time we are picturing her going to a regular school & being in regular classes. We are seeing her start to say words & really fight to catch up. Again, we are ready to just start living our lives as regular people without all the visits, licensing, attorneys, training & restrictions. And to live that new life, we have a new home. Our dream home. We feel so incredibly blessed to now be raising our family in the home we always wanted. We started moving in this past weekend & will finish up in a couple of days. It is close to my parents & in a small town where the communities & neighborhood amenities are perfect for raising kids. It is going to be a big adjustment to go to such a small town experience, but we know it is best for our family. As a final thought to this journey, its hard. The system is broken. CPS is a broken system, BUT we as a country are failing 400,000 children in the foster care system. We as everyday citizens are turning a blind eye as children age out of the system, grow up in group homes & newborns are sitting at hospitals with no homes to go to. We are wasting our energy & time worrying about who is using what bathrooms & using funds building a wall when these children should be our focus. These children are the future of our country & they deserve better. They deserve to have the cycle of poverty, addiction, abuse & neglect broken. We need better programs for biological families to have access to resources, jobs & training. Our kids deserve better. Our future needs better. 

The beginning of the end..

I don't even know where to start. After my last post things changed weekly. We went back & forth so many times. I'll spare you every little detail but will say as of a week ago people were still contacting CPS saying they would take the baby (where have they been the last 11 months?!), but on Tuesday we went to court for what was scheduled to be trial to terminate her parent's rights. Even that morning we didn't know what to expect, we were totally prepared for her moms attorney to request an extension so that another family member could be looked at as a suitable placement. As we approached the bench for our trial things got tough, fast. Her momma made the decision that morning to sign over her rights voluntarily & her dad didn't appear so his rights were terminated. We are so, so relieved. There is a 90 day period for appeals to be filed, but we don't believe there will be any. This is really the beginning of the end of our foster & adoption journey. This little babe will be our last. So expect one more post when we finalize, and then we will likely sign off. This has been our life for so many years we just can't wait to live our life like a "normal" family.

Where have you been?

You're probably wondering where we've been? Well, we're here. Surviving. We're white knuckling it, but it's a daily fight. An update on our foster babe first, things are still so up in the air & my outlook changes daily. After court things were a little hazy but then things took a great turn! We found out that CPS wanted to go ahead & change the baby's case plan to adoption (US!!) since her dad wasn't working his case plan. The relief & joy in that lasted a whole 4 days. Then we started to live every foster parent's worst nightmare. Almost 9 months into the case an out of state relative stepped forward. At this point we still don't know how viable that placement is. The process for placement there would be long & exhausting. We are scheduled to go to court late this month where they were hoping to schedule the trial to terminate parental rights, making her free for adoption. With that said, we just don't know what is going to happen. We pray every day that she is ours forever & we live every single day as if it is guaranteed. I couldn't survive any other way. I couldn't get out of bed every day without the faith that this system is going to do right by her. That this system knows the undying love we have for her & they would never allow anything less. She is growing stronger every day & is such a joy. We are currently still in speech therapy for feeding issues as well as physical therapy & we plan to start occupational therapy soon as well. As far as the other kiddos go, I can't believe how big they are. Everly will be going to first grade next year & Delilah will be going to school full days in Kinder!! It's such a change to have all of our babies in school ALL day. Is a bit surreal. We are of course still traveling a LOT, like every summer. We did buy a new, bigger camper so traveling is a bit easier. Hopefully I can update in a few weeks with great news that they are still planning to terminate parental rights!

3/4 a year

I can't believe this little sweety is 9 months old today. Never in a million years did we think we would end up with a newborn girl but I'm so grateful we said yes when we got that call to pick her up. I don't know what her future holds but I have known from the first day that God has enormous plans for her. There is something so special about her & her spirit, even strangers see it & come up to us. Wherever she lands, her road will be rocky & she has so many challenges ahead of her. But, I have no fears because I know she will fight & overcome anything. The next 6 months will be the most critical in her case & we just pray everyday she is meant to be ours! Happy 9 months to our little Bug!

Welcome to the battle dome...

Today we ventured into unchartered waters for us. Today we walked into a court room to support our sweet foster baby as her court appointed attorney (also known as her guardian ad litem or GAL) fought to keep her in our home against the wishes of CPS & in the face of a family member who had an approved homestudy. Within days of finding out there was an approved homestudy for a relative we got the news that her GAL had reviewed the home & did NOT approve of the move for numerous issues within the home & the long term ability of that relative to meet her growing medical needs. It was his recommendation to the court that she stay with us, while her dad works on his case plan. A week later we got news that her CASA worker also would not be recommending the relative as a suitable placement. So today, the two sides squared off & the decision was made by a judge for her to stay with us, even a little longer. I can't even begin to say how relieved we are. We also had deep stomach churning concerns for her well being in that home. So for now, we will go back in June for a second permanency hearing. That is probably the most important court date because it's where the tables turn & they need to really decide whether she will be moving to adoption or going home within the next 3 months. That June court date is also where they usually schedule the trial to terminate parental rights or plan reunification. I can't go into too many details but the last month with our sweet baby has proven difficult as her medical issues are taking a turn toward the more serious. She is now in physical therapy & speech therapy. The speech therapist actually specializes in feeding issues since she has had many troubles eating baby food. For now we will continue to work hard fighting for her & working with her therapists to help her grow & progress.

All too familiar...

It's been just 5 short months since we kissed our foster son goodbye & here we are. All over again. Getting ready to kiss this baby goodbye. A family member has been approved by CPS to take her. I don't know if there are ever words. How do you put into words what it feels like to have part of your soul ripped out. There are no words to describe how it feels to pray for something so hard & have all those prayers answered in one beautiful child. To see a child that is so special, so blessed & with so much potential & fighting spirit, to love them with every bit of your soul & know it's just not enough. Our love can never be enough for us to keep her.

Redemption....

I have tried over the years to not talk too terribly much about our kid's bio families/parents. I don't really feel like it's my place to spill all their dirty secrets, or exactly what all of our kids went through. We have been blessed to stay in contact with Tuck's foster family as well as some of his extended family. We also have stayed in contact with the girls' bio parent's. Mostly this was for them, and the girls later down the road, but it would be a lie if I didn't say it was for selfish reasons also. That reason is to be there in case a bio sibling comes into custody. After the girls' adoption the ultimate wish is that their parents really learn from that loss. From losing their kids. The prayer is that they turn their life around & that one day, years from now, we can tell the kids "losing you made them realize the mistakes they were making & they didn't repeat those mistakes". Unfortunately as a whole, that hasn't been the case, with the exception of one. Our girls' mom. She was the one I worried about so much, she couldn't even bring herself to come to court. She was young, addicted to drugs, in way too deep & sinking fast. But here we are 4 years after the girls were taken & she is walking the long hard road to redemption. There are lots of long roads after you screw up, but none as long & rocky as that you walk after hurting your child (and I don't mean physically). She is clean & sober, with someone she loves & raising their family. She has two little boys & a another baby girl on the way. She is walking that road every single day to raise her new kids the way I know she wishes she could have raised our girls. I know it isn't easy when everyone you know is an addict, or remembers the OLD you, the addict you, the mistakes you made. But there is only one way to rise above that & it's to work hard to never repeat the mistakes you made. I'm so, so incredibly proud of her & all the work she has put in & how far she has come. You can never change the  past, but the best way to make amends is to acknowledge it, learn from it & move on. I know one day the girls will be happy to see losing them changed her for the better. That there was a purpose & a lesson in that loss & that she knew better & she did better....

Parenting Style..

I've done a ton of posts about everything foster/adoption related, but I thought maybe this would be an interesting topic. Obviously everyone has their own parenting style. Chris & I are by far definitely independent parents. By that I mean we raise & encourage independent children. There are a ton of ways & examples so I'll go over a few. First I'm OK with my babies getting bumps & bruises. Yes, I said I let my kids get hurt. To make it worse when they fall down I don't jump up & run to them instilling fear at the slightest twinge of pain. I know, I'm horrible. My reaction to their tumble teaches them THEIR reaction. If I jump up & freak out they think "oh, I should be freaking out about this" even if it doesn't hurt. If they fall & cry, of course I go to them, but not unless they cry or are hurt. Our kids are 9, 5 & 4, guess what? They don't cry or whine over shots, not even getting blood taken. We have never held our children down for shots, instead we talk to them, give them a chance to compose their feelings & make the choice which is much less traumatic & puts them in control. We also don't believe in co-sleeping. Please do not think we are letting our babies cry it out. We are investing the time to teach them to sleep alone & find comfort in themselves. If that means we go into the room to soothe them 20 times a night, that's what we do! We invest that time in our children instead of putting them in bed with us. Our current foster baby is almost 5 months & currently sleeps through the night & has for nearly a month. She sleeps alone in her crib every single night. This same baby has never been allowed to cry for more than a minute. I could show you a million other examples & reasons we are raising independent babies, but I will tell you the reason I think so many parents are NOT. I personally believe (this is where stuff gets controversial) that many parents are raising co-dependent children to stroke their own ego. It makes them feel good when their toddler cries for them & they can run in & save the day. It feels good to the ego when you can just sleep with your baby & your baby "needs" you. It feels good to the PARENT to be needed. But what they do not understand is it doesn't feel good to a child to constantly NEED a parent to be happy, content or confident. To be taught you can't be happy without that person. What happens to these dependent babies when their parents can't be there? When will they ever learn to think for themselves? When will they learn to solve their OWN problems? Don't get me wrong, I am there if they actually get HURT, or to praise them on their accomplishments & to cheer for them when they get it right. I am raising the leaders or tomorrow, not the hand holders of the next generation. With independence comes CONFIDENCE. My children are confident & don't look to me for approval to do things, instead they are the fearless explorers that leap without hesitation! It shows in their interactions & the way they take control when things go astray . They don't wait for me, they don't wait for approval, guidance or hand holding. They figure it out, they use critical thinking & do it themselves. So yes, it feels great as parents when our babies need us. But PLEASE think about how it feels to always NEED someone else to be happy. We are here to guide our children through life not carry them through it.

Here we go...

There have been so many changes lately! Number one is our sweet baby's case is looking like she will be going home to her daddy or a relative. We know things can change quickly & nothing is set in stone, but deep down I think she's going home. Once again it is bittersweet. I love seeing her daddy step up & fight for her & do the work it takes. It's not easy for any parent to be alone raising a child, much less a daddy with a baby girl. As much as we would love to keep her as our own forever, I'm proud for him & she deserves to be fought for!! We are thinking she will be moved to a family member sometime after Christmas while her dad finishes his case plan & we are happy to keep her. Regardless of where her case goes we know it's meant to be & we have no control. We are just going to enjoy her, love her & be here for her.

So, so sweet...

What can I say, this baby is so, so sweet! She is mellow, calm, undemanding, happy, content & just perfect. She has the biggest deepest eyes that are just full of wonder & when she stares at me I just KNOW there are great things in her future, wherever that may lead her. We obviously are still in the VERY early stages of her case & we, again, have no idea where it's headed. I haven't even had a chance to talk to her case worker about where her parents stand, the probability of them working their case plan, or what they are or are not going to try to do. We never in a million years thought we would have 3 girls, and one little boy, but if this is what God has planned for us....I'm OK with that! Meanwhile we are roaring toward Christmas so fast. Its such a great time for us & the kids. We just love baking, shopping & spending much needed time together. Chris always takes vacation around Christmas so we can really just soak it all in. We are all looking forward to that.

Sugar, Spice & Everything Nice.........

You guessed it! On Thursday we were SO blessed to bring home a beautiful baby girl from the NICU.

 

 She is so strong, such a fighter & an amazing warrior! She has fought through SO much & overcome so many things. I know the world holds amazing things for her, wherever her future leads. I can't say much on her case except it looks optimistic with the exception of one hurdle. We are already SO in love with her & it just feels RIGHT. It is such a good fit & it just feels so natural & easy. Its a feeling we had with each of our other adoptions. Meanwhile, I ask you to say a prayer, not for us or this special baby, but her mom. My heart breaks for her past, her present & her future. Please say a prayer for her to know what amazing things she can still do in this life, the difference she can make & that she finds the strength to make her dreams come true. 

She needs a miracle. 

Bittersweet.....

And just like that it's all over. We handed over our foster son for the last time today & after 8 months there are no words except that it was very bittersweet.  We're happy him for, proud for his momma & have no worries for his future. But it stings. I have cried so many tears I can't count. Giant, burning, blinding tears. I know people think we go into this knowing this isn't our child & we should be prepared. But the truth is they're wrong. When we bring a child into our home it's to love them 110%, the way every child deserves to be loved by a parent. Not with a guarded heart. It's just like telling a pregnant mom her baby won't make it. Does she love it less? NO!! She loves that baby so, so much. She tries to prepare her heart, but you can never prepare a parent's heart to say goodbye to their child. We loved our foster son the same way. We loved him as much as any Mommy & Daddy have ever loved a child. I'm not sure where our future will lead. Right now we're just taking a few days/ weeks/ months to get back to where we were & for the wound to heal just a little.

Back to Reality...

Well the Summer has ended & reality is setting in. We had an amazing time with tons of amazing memories. We traveled often & spent so much time with our babies. All 3 kids started school last week! They are in 4th, Kinder & Pre-K! The kids are loving being back in school & seeing their friends. As far as our Foster son goes he will be going home in the next few weeks & we started the transition this past weekend. After a case that took WAY too long, his momma was able to pick him up for a whole weekend. I'm not sure I can put into words what it is like to mourn a child you love so much, but who isn't gone. I know deep down even if we could change the outcome, we wouldn't. She deserves her son & he deserves his momma. We just wish it didn't hurt so badly to hand him over & walk away. I know this is what we agreed to, I know this is what we signed up for. But, it still burns like hell & nothing can stop that.

Summer & Swim...team

This summer we decided to sign all 3 kids up for swim team. If you aren't familiar, the schedule is pretty grueling. Practice is 4 days a week & they have swim meets every Saturday, starting at 7am & lasting into the afternoon. The older 2 kids were able to participate at meets, not Delilah. Technically you have to be 4 to join the team, and they let her slide & participate in the practices to give her a head start. I was so proud of both Tycker & Everly in how far they came. They both became stronger swimmers & made huge gains in their swim times. It was SO exhausting, especially traveling to away meets & doing daily practices with the baby in tow. Overall it was a great experience & I'm hoping we can participate again next summer! As far as Cotton goes, he is still with us, but should be going home next month. It will hands down be one of the hardest things we will ever do, but I am also excited to move past that pain & onto the next chapter for our family! We once again will venture into the unknown, but I know God has great plans for us!

Madness..

I know I've been totally MIA! It's been madness around here! After saving forEVER so we could pay cash, we finally bought a camper! It's our new baby. We've been taking it out every 2-3 weeks. So far we have been to The Highlands & saw the San Jacinto Monument, then Jamaica Beach & we got back today from Lake Livingston. We love the camper because is tiny but it has a big slide out & queen size beds fold out from each end! Our little Cotton is doing well. He is growing so fast & is just such a funny baby. His case is headed to reunification & we have been doing visitations. We are expecting him to go home by August.  

Its getting warm......

We are SO happy around our house to see the first signs of Summer. We are BBQing every night on the back porch while the kids play & enjoying the time we have. The kids are looking forward to the end of the school year & swimming! Our foster son is doing well. He has settled in great & we love him to death. His case is looking like reunification, and he will be going home. It breaks my heart to think about giving him up, but I know nothing will change that. It's something I will have to do, WE will all have to do. He has started visitations with his bio family & I am so happy for him, and them. They deserve it, and he needs it too. We are going to do whatever it takes to make this as smooth & painless on HIM as we can. Meanwhile, we are enjoying these sweet first days of Summer!

Case Updates...

Honestly there isn't much to tell! Our little guy is still with us & there have been no big changes in his case. We are still expecting him to go to a relative, but we aren't ready! We don't want him to leave, we love him so much! We will nickname him "Cotton" here! Currently they are evaluating relatives to see who/if anyone is suitable for him. On top of that his case has been transfered to another new worker who only handles intensive cases. She/He basically handles very serious CPS cases & therefore has a much smaller case load & can spend the time his case really needs. Cotton is doing so much better & is really starting to bond. He is learning & growing so fast, and making so much progress. I'm so proud of him & how far he has already come. I just pray if he is meant to leave they do it soon, before it becomes to tough for him. His memories of his family are fading so quickly.

When all is still....

Over the last couple of weeks I've been asked one question, a dozen different ways. "How do you do it", "doesn't it make you sick", "don't you want to cry"? The answer is easy. We do it because he deserves it. It does make me sick. I do cry. I cry when the chaos is calmed, the kids are asleep or things are still. Sometimes in the bathroom, or in the car or while I work. Whenever they don't need me anymore, I can cry. When I stop to think about this little tiny child, so innocent & pure. I think of him like a tiny ball of cotton caught in a wind storm. We are here to cup our hands around him, to protect him from the chaos as much as we can. We have to calm his world, his fears, his hurt. Nothing can ever change what happened that day, that changes his fate forever. It can never be undone & he will never be the same. We just pray for him. We just pray until the storm passes, the clouds blow by & his fate unfolds, we can be here for him. Nothing we do can change this storm from coming, nothing can stop its wrath. Our only control is over what we let change us & who we are. We only have power over our family, our strength & the love we show this little ball of cotton! So until this storm passes, we will hold on tight.

Anderson- Party of Six

I'm late, I know. But, a little over a week ago we welcomed an amazing little boy into our home. As always I can't say too much. I will say he came into state custody because of brutal, horrific abuse to a sibling. That's all I feel comfortable sharing. His case is brand new, we know nothing. His worker is still reading the initial reports & meeting with everyone on the medical team. We know what led the state to take him from his family & rip him from his whole life, but little else. At this point we don't even have a clue where his case is going. There is a possibility he could stay forever, or could be gone any day. His transition to us was & continues to be VERY difficult. We just ask you to pray for him, and his sibling, during this time. Pray they have peace & most importantly healing to overcome their past. We know this won't be easy & we are prepared as we could possibly be.

Merry Christmas!

I just want to take a minute to say Merry Christmas to each & every one of you. You're following our crazy journey through fostercare & adoption. It isn't always easy or predictable, but I try to keep it honest & sometimes very painfully raw. Adoption is born out of loss & there are so many bumps & sorrows along the way, that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. I hope each of you can take a little peace or comfort in our story, or find that maybe we've already gone through what you are now. I know that sometimes you just need to know you aren't alone or that your feelings are real, valid & very normal on this journey! This can be a very bitter time of year, and a difficult time to be waiting on your forever child. Merry Christmas from our little family to you!