.....The End

     

 I can't believe this day is here. We finalized the adoption of our sweet daughter, Olive Sparrow Anderson. She is everything that was ever missing from our family, and the final piece of a puzzle. I always knew there was something missing & now, we are complete. She will forever be our baby & we are totally fine with that. As much as we would love another child, its not in the cards for us. We aren't 100% opposed but I can say, we won't pursue this again. The only situation that would ever be up for consideration would be a sibling for Tuck or Olive because they don't have a bio sibling in the home, but that is uncertain. What can I tell you about this baby. I'll start at the beginning. She was a 29 week preemie who had a very rough stay in the NICU for 2.5 months. During that time she was put on a ventilator twice, suffered bilateral brain hemorrhages, contracted staph & sepsis. This rough start left her with permanent neurological damage that has proven difficult for her. But against the odds, she is a fighter, a warrior & above anything else, she is a true joy. She is sweet to a fault and full of fire & fight. There is something about her that people are drawn to. Maybe it is her smile or her strength, but we have people come up to us whenever we go out. She has been in therapy since we brought her home & she currently sees a physical therapist, occupational therapist & a speech therapist. She works so hard & surprises us everyday. We realized her issues may be severe about the 5 month mark when she started showing signs of neurological damage, it was then we were told her issues may never recover. She may never walk, or function like a "normal" child. But, we pushed on & believed in her. When asked if we were still interested in adoption if her case went that way, we had no hesitation, as she was always our daughter. How do you say you don't want your daughter because of that? She has exceeded every expectation we've put on her & on Christmas Eve she took her first steps. She still has a long way to go, but I think we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time we are picturing her going to a regular school & being in regular classes. We are seeing her start to say words & really fight to catch up. Again, we are ready to just start living our lives as regular people without all the visits, licensing, attorneys, training & restrictions. And to live that new life, we have a new home. Our dream home. We feel so incredibly blessed to now be raising our family in the home we always wanted. We started moving in this past weekend & will finish up in a couple of days. It is close to my parents & in a small town where the communities & neighborhood amenities are perfect for raising kids. It is going to be a big adjustment to go to such a small town experience, but we know it is best for our family. As a final thought to this journey, its hard. The system is broken. CPS is a broken system, BUT we as a country are failing 400,000 children in the foster care system. We as everyday citizens are turning a blind eye as children age out of the system, grow up in group homes & newborns are sitting at hospitals with no homes to go to. We are wasting our energy & time worrying about who is using what bathrooms & using funds building a wall when these children should be our focus. These children are the future of our country & they deserve better. They deserve to have the cycle of poverty, addiction, abuse & neglect broken. We need better programs for biological families to have access to resources, jobs & training. Our kids deserve better. Our future needs better. 

The beginning of the end..

I don't even know where to start. After my last post things changed weekly. We went back & forth so many times. I'll spare you every little detail but will say as of a week ago people were still contacting CPS saying they would take the baby (where have they been the last 11 months?!), but on Tuesday we went to court for what was scheduled to be trial to terminate her parent's rights. Even that morning we didn't know what to expect, we were totally prepared for her moms attorney to request an extension so that another family member could be looked at as a suitable placement. As we approached the bench for our trial things got tough, fast. Her momma made the decision that morning to sign over her rights voluntarily & her dad didn't appear so his rights were terminated. We are so, so relieved. There is a 90 day period for appeals to be filed, but we don't believe there will be any. This is really the beginning of the end of our foster & adoption journey. This little babe will be our last. So expect one more post when we finalize, and then we will likely sign off. This has been our life for so many years we just can't wait to live our life like a "normal" family.

Where have you been?

You're probably wondering where we've been? Well, we're here. Surviving. We're white knuckling it, but it's a daily fight. An update on our foster babe first, things are still so up in the air & my outlook changes daily. After court things were a little hazy but then things took a great turn! We found out that CPS wanted to go ahead & change the baby's case plan to adoption (US!!) since her dad wasn't working his case plan. The relief & joy in that lasted a whole 4 days. Then we started to live every foster parent's worst nightmare. Almost 9 months into the case an out of state relative stepped forward. At this point we still don't know how viable that placement is. The process for placement there would be long & exhausting. We are scheduled to go to court late this month where they were hoping to schedule the trial to terminate parental rights, making her free for adoption. With that said, we just don't know what is going to happen. We pray every day that she is ours forever & we live every single day as if it is guaranteed. I couldn't survive any other way. I couldn't get out of bed every day without the faith that this system is going to do right by her. That this system knows the undying love we have for her & they would never allow anything less. She is growing stronger every day & is such a joy. We are currently still in speech therapy for feeding issues as well as physical therapy & we plan to start occupational therapy soon as well. As far as the other kiddos go, I can't believe how big they are. Everly will be going to first grade next year & Delilah will be going to school full days in Kinder!! It's such a change to have all of our babies in school ALL day. Is a bit surreal. We are of course still traveling a LOT, like every summer. We did buy a new, bigger camper so traveling is a bit easier. Hopefully I can update in a few weeks with great news that they are still planning to terminate parental rights!

3/4 a year

I can't believe this little sweety is 9 months old today. Never in a million years did we think we would end up with a newborn girl but I'm so grateful we said yes when we got that call to pick her up. I don't know what her future holds but I have known from the first day that God has enormous plans for her. There is something so special about her & her spirit, even strangers see it & come up to us. Wherever she lands, her road will be rocky & she has so many challenges ahead of her. But, I have no fears because I know she will fight & overcome anything. The next 6 months will be the most critical in her case & we just pray everyday she is meant to be ours! Happy 9 months to our little Bug!

Welcome to the battle dome...

Today we ventured into unchartered waters for us. Today we walked into a court room to support our sweet foster baby as her court appointed attorney (also known as her guardian ad litem or GAL) fought to keep her in our home against the wishes of CPS & in the face of a family member who had an approved homestudy. Within days of finding out there was an approved homestudy for a relative we got the news that her GAL had reviewed the home & did NOT approve of the move for numerous issues within the home & the long term ability of that relative to meet her growing medical needs. It was his recommendation to the court that she stay with us, while her dad works on his case plan. A week later we got news that her CASA worker also would not be recommending the relative as a suitable placement. So today, the two sides squared off & the decision was made by a judge for her to stay with us, even a little longer. I can't even begin to say how relieved we are. We also had deep stomach churning concerns for her well being in that home. So for now, we will go back in June for a second permanency hearing. That is probably the most important court date because it's where the tables turn & they need to really decide whether she will be moving to adoption or going home within the next 3 months. That June court date is also where they usually schedule the trial to terminate parental rights or plan reunification. I can't go into too many details but the last month with our sweet baby has proven difficult as her medical issues are taking a turn toward the more serious. She is now in physical therapy & speech therapy. The speech therapist actually specializes in feeding issues since she has had many troubles eating baby food. For now we will continue to work hard fighting for her & working with her therapists to help her grow & progress.

All too familiar...

It's been just 5 short months since we kissed our foster son goodbye & here we are. All over again. Getting ready to kiss this baby goodbye. A family member has been approved by CPS to take her. I don't know if there are ever words. How do you put into words what it feels like to have part of your soul ripped out. There are no words to describe how it feels to pray for something so hard & have all those prayers answered in one beautiful child. To see a child that is so special, so blessed & with so much potential & fighting spirit, to love them with every bit of your soul & know it's just not enough. Our love can never be enough for us to keep her.

Redemption....

I have tried over the years to not talk too terribly much about our kid's bio families/parents. I don't really feel like it's my place to spill all their dirty secrets, or exactly what all of our kids went through. We have been blessed to stay in contact with Tuck's foster family as well as some of his extended family. We also have stayed in contact with the girls' bio parent's. Mostly this was for them, and the girls later down the road, but it would be a lie if I didn't say it was for selfish reasons also. That reason is to be there in case a bio sibling comes into custody. After the girls' adoption the ultimate wish is that their parents really learn from that loss. From losing their kids. The prayer is that they turn their life around & that one day, years from now, we can tell the kids "losing you made them realize the mistakes they were making & they didn't repeat those mistakes". Unfortunately as a whole, that hasn't been the case, with the exception of one. Our girls' mom. She was the one I worried about so much, she couldn't even bring herself to come to court. She was young, addicted to drugs, in way too deep & sinking fast. But here we are 4 years after the girls were taken & she is walking the long hard road to redemption. There are lots of long roads after you screw up, but none as long & rocky as that you walk after hurting your child (and I don't mean physically). She is clean & sober, with someone she loves & raising their family. She has two little boys & a another baby girl on the way. She is walking that road every single day to raise her new kids the way I know she wishes she could have raised our girls. I know it isn't easy when everyone you know is an addict, or remembers the OLD you, the addict you, the mistakes you made. But there is only one way to rise above that & it's to work hard to never repeat the mistakes you made. I'm so, so incredibly proud of her & all the work she has put in & how far she has come. You can never change the  past, but the best way to make amends is to acknowledge it, learn from it & move on. I know one day the girls will be happy to see losing them changed her for the better. That there was a purpose & a lesson in that loss & that she knew better & she did better....