Monday, January 30, 2012

The Transition....

I thought I would post a little update on how things have been going. On Thursday we brought home 2 gorgeous little girls. We were told the infant was having long bouts of crying & was very difficult to feed, they reported she was very fussy when eating & took along time to finish a bottle. The toddler was reported to have some boundary & attachment issues. The very first night we realized the issue with the baby, she was HUNGRY. We went out & bought new bottles with heavy flow nipples & started her on cereal (she was eating 4 bottles a day of formula from slow flow nipples & no cereal or baby food). She has been happy as a clam since then! She sleeps 8-9 hours a night & can finish a bottle in 10 minutes! The toddler is doing very well. She will pretty much go to anyone. I think she has already learned she will get treated better by being sweet & friendly. She does have her moments of sadness or fits, but nothing that I would call an "attachment" issue. She is a child who is grieving her family & the losses she has known in her life. There has been lots of shopping going on around here. The girls didn't come with much as far as personal belongings so we have been trying to gather up everything from clothes, toys, bottles & a bumbo to a baby swing! We originally took the girls in as a respite situation until we were certain we wanted the placement to be permanent. We are sure, so our agency scheduled a hearing before the judge on Thursday to have us named their formal "foster to adopt" family. Since the girls do not have their parental rights terminated yet there is still a small risk something could go wrong. The trial date for the termination of parental rights is already scheduled for May & we are going to be holding our breath until then!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Stork Brings Toddlers?





Well so much stuff has happened since Sunday! We got a call on Monday to see if we would still consider taking the 2 little girls we applied for the previous week, the family they had picked was unable to care for the girls needs. So we said YES! Today we are welcoming two beautiful little girls into our home & we couldn't be more thrilled. They are an infant & a toddler. We are so terrified.....but excited, did I say terrified yet?! The girls are coming to us as a temporary situation until we think we can commit to them forever. They are not legally free yet but are scheduled for TPR in a few months. The younger one has some health issues & the older girl has been through so much in her short life & is showing signs of issues from it. We pray it is in God's plan that they are supposed to be our daughters forever & we can provide them with everything they need & deserve!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Broadcasts...

Well things have really been moving along! This past week we received quite a few broadcasts! We received 2 broadcasts we decided not to apply for, one was for a set of twin boys & another was a sibling set but the oldest child was well outside of age order at 6 1/2. We also submitted to take 2 little girls that would have been an emergency placement since the foster to adopt home they were in was closing, CPS decided on another family for them. We were super disappointed we weren't selected for these girls as we would have been bringing them home in a matter of days & it was very exciting! This kinda made us realize we ARE willing to do emergency placements, even though we said we wouldn't. Even though we have been through this before it never gets easier putting the future of your family in the hands of someone else. On a happier not we did submit on 2 infants that were legal risk placements. We also submitted on a toddler that was legally free. This is only the 3rd legally free child we have seen. So over all it was a very exciting week. We are coming up on what I think will be some slower weeks since our agency says they get the most broadcasts the middle 2 weeks of the month. I also am very impressed with our agency! They send us broadcasts even if they are for something we indicated we didn't want & give us the chance to make the decision for ourselves in that moment. I know some people may be annoyed by this but in this process we have SO little control over much of the project I would like to be able to make the final decisions, even if we indicated we didn't want a boy, I enjoy the option. The pic above was Tuck trying fried chicken for the first time. He loved it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Pre-Birth Matching....

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First I'll do a little update about the last week. We were presented 2 broadcasts this week on legally free girls. One of them was for a little girl well outside of age order, we declined submitting our home study because it stated she would do best as the youngest child. The 2nd broadcast was on a little girl just older than Tuck, which we submitted for. So we have officially applied for our first child! We also received 2 broadcasts of legal risk situations, one was on a sibling group of toddlers & one was for a infant girl we submitted on both of those as well. So that makes 3 applications so far. Getting to the blog title, pre-birth matching & how we feel about it. Pre-birth matching is generally found in private adoption situations where a birth mother is making the decision to choose a family to adopt her baby, & the family is "matched" with the mother & baby before the baby is born. We have discussed doing a private adoption ourselves but have always said no, even though my husbands employer would fully reimburse us the costs. Our agency does private adoption fees on a sliding scale based on your income & the costs would be very close to what my husbands employer would reimburse. We were recently asked if we would be willing to submit our home study with a young mother who was pregnant with a little girl, and we declined. I have a very large problem with pre-birth matching for a couple of reasons.The first one is generally once they are matched, the adoptive parents pay expenses for the pregnant mother. These expenses are not refundable, even if the mother changes her mind & decides to keep the baby. What this basically means is, adoptive families often end up very vulnerable to scams etc. by women who have no intentions of placing their child for adoption. You can not sue them (which I don't think you should), you can not get your money back no matter how much money you spent supporting them. I understand the point that many people feel if this mother is carrying a baby to term for your family, the LEAST you can do is pay her bills while she does it. My issue with this thought is, she isn't carrying YOUR baby, she is carrying HER baby. That baby is hers until it is born & she signs those papers & the relinquishment period is over. Before that happens you are paying her to carry HER baby in hopes she will let you adopt it. I strongly believe until she actually gives birth & makes a decision then, its still 110% her child. This is where my second issue comes up. For many birth mothers this is a very emotional & difficult time. When you spend time with another family that wants this baby so badly & financially supports you, how do you say no? I fear many times mothers are giving birth & realizing they no longer want to go through with the adoption, yet they do it anyway out of obligation or guilt. These situations put both the birth mother & adoptive families in a very vulnerable situation. I think newborn adoptions & decisions regarding them should be made once the baby is born. That's not to say I don't agree with making a tentative plan for adoption, but I don't feel "matches" should be made until the baby is born. I don't think private adoptions are bad, immoral etc, I just can't get over my conflicting views on it & have decided to stay away from it. I am also fully aware thousands of great happy & perfect adoptions happen every year that don't fall into these guidelines but for those that DO it disturbs me.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

In The Last Week....


  Since my last post there really hasn't been too much going on. Last week we did our meeting with the matching specialists at our agency. We also got our first "broadcast" on a little girl. The little girl we received a broadcast on was a legal risk not straight adopt. We felt like the risk that she will be going back to a family member was too great so we didn't submit our home study. Our agency says that the first & last weeks of the month are always the slowest. I guess the holidays didn't help, I would imagine most case workers are busy catching up from vacations etc & aren't too worried about sending out broadcasts. I sure hope I'm right & the next couple of weeks has LOTS of kids looking for homes. Who knows, one could be our daughter. (This video is an oldie but a goodie, its Tuck dancing in the car.)